First Frost

Where did autumn go?  I'm in a state of shock that it's almost November.  And that in December, G will be a year old.

Billy and I spent the morning in the garden, where I lingered over the few remaining plants.  We divided some of the garlic we harvested in the spring and replanted a few cloves.  It's the first time I'm growing something from something I grew the season before--- I felt strange sense of pride when I put the garlic back into the ground.

We also planted potatoes, and tomorrow is daffodils, tulips, and newly-divided iris.  It's really the last possible weekend to do so, but I plan on enjoying it rather than rushing through.  The morning sun and the cold air was just the thing I've been needing.

A Pruning Back

Last weekend, I took a few lazy shots while pruning a few of our rosebushes in preparation for fall.  Other than that, I have not taken photos, nor gardened, nor read a book, nor done anything crafty since August 18.  I've cooked only a few meals.  Thankfully, I have a partner who is determined not to let us starve or eat boxed macaroni and cheese all the time.  The house is a in a state of . . . well, let's just say it's in a state.

My return to teaching, so far, has felt pretty unmanageable.  I think getting into the details on a public space would be unwise, but I'll acknowledge it's been a struggle.  I miss being home with G, of course, and I miss the slower pace of our days.  I miss reflecting on this blog, too.

Still seeking some balance here.

Saturday Morning

It was a busy week around here.  Spending Saturday morning in the kitchen was extremely soothing.

List 16: Back to School Memories

I know, I know.  I missed last Monday.  I have the feeling that may be happening more and more frequently . . .

1.  Your mom threatening you with death if you played outside in your new clothes before school started.

2.  That fresh, clean notebook that you were just itching to write stories in, but you had to save it for (sigh) math.

3.  Waiting for the school bus in the cold morning mist, knowing that by recess it will be warm enough to run around in just your skirt and T-shirt.

4.  Parting from your sibling as you went into separate classrooms.  Simultaneously missing her and being relieved you don't have to spend waking moment  with her.

5.  Reuniting with your friends after a summer that seemed to stretch on forever.

6.  Being full of hope that your teacher would be nice.  That first cutting comment (which now just seems adult, human) that made you decide that she wasn't.

7.  Picking those last lingering mosquito bites under your desk.

8.  Sliding the plastic lunch tray down the line.  Choosing red milk or blue milk for snack.

9.  Learning the card game that will be the card game during recess this year.

10.  Stepping off the bus in the an afternoon haze of excited exhaustion, finding a wriggling schnauzer waiting for you and mentally preparing your list of possible snacks and television shows.

(16 down, 84 to go.)

One Week

In exactly one week, my summer and my maternity leave are coming to an end.  I've been wanting to write about this for awhile but am not sure what to say, since the thought of going back to work reduces me to a blubbering, worry-filled mess.  That said, I am so grateful that G and I had this time.  Eight whole months to fall more and more in love with someone every single day.  Eight whole months to watch every single shift and change, no matter how minuscule.

It's amazing to me that since G's birth, time has moved simultaneously slower and faster.  On one hand I was enjoying all the baby coos, the little garden projects and work done at home at a meditative sort of pace. Watering plants, baking bread, folding tiny socks into each other . . . little sensory revelations.  On the other, I couldn't believe how fast she was growing.  I couldn't believe how a whole day could pass absorbed in nothing but her.  I found myself forgiving my own unrealistic expectations on how much I could actually get accomplish when I was so utterly absorbed with an infant.  The concept of "getting things done" has shifted, and that wasn't what this time at home was for, anyway.

In the past few weeks I've found myself working up into a paralyzing frenzy--- Freeze meals!  Clean everything!  Prepare every lesson you can before going back to teach!  What are you doing?!  You are not prepared!!!--- and then find myself grateful for a partner who reminds me that life will get in the way despite your best efforts, so why not enjoy another summer evening on the patio with a drink in hand?  He has repeatedly reminded me that working or not, I'll always be G's mama and we will all always love each other.

And that makes me smile, instead of panic.